Dwain Northey (Gen X)

Oh, the legislative process—truly a model of efficiency and transparency. Nothing says “democracy in action” like a 2,000-page bill dropped on lawmakers’ desks a few hours before a vote. Because, of course, everyone has superhuman speed-reading abilities and a photographic memory, right? These bills are marvels of modern literature, masterfully blending infrastructure funding with obscure subsidies for alpaca farming in states no one’s heard of. And don’t forget the exciting plot twist: the unrelated amendments snuck in during the midnight hours by some committee no one remembers assigning power to.

Reading the bill? Please. That’s what interns and lobbyists are for. The real goal is to vote it through before the other side figures out what’s actually in it. And when it all goes sideways, both parties get to throw their hands up and say, “Who could have possibly known?” It’s a beautiful system, really—a shining beacon of how to govern by sheer page count. If confusion were a legislative strategy, they’ve mastered it.