Dwain Northey (Gen X)

CartoonStock

In the latest GOP’s latest masterclass in political gymnastics—how to celebrate Mexico’s flood aid to Texas while simultaneously launching a military-style ICE raid in MacArthur Park that accomplished absolutely zilch. Here’s how they’ll “square that circle,” with all the elegance of a three-legged race.

First, they’ll cheer Mexico for sending help during Texas floods, because hey, who wouldn’t want a neighbor who actually helps when things go wrong? It’s like when your frenemiess cousin sends you a casserole after you break your leg—sure, they’re still shady, but hey, free food! The GOP will probably spin it as proof that their tough border policies totally work, forcing Mexico to get serious about cooperation. Never mind that it exposes the ridiculousness of painting Mexico as the perpetual villain.

Meanwhile, back in Los Angeles, ICE goes full “mission impossible” with a heavily armed, photo-op-ready raid on MacArthur Park—a community known for immigrants and families, not cartels or gang hideouts. The operation, designed to look like an action movie scene, ended up accomplishing nothing except terrifying locals and providing great fodder for late-night comedians. But the GOP will call it a “critical strike against crime,” ignoring that the only thing they really hit was public relations rock bottom.

So, how do they reconcile this? Easy. They’ll just pretend the flood aid and the failed ICE raid are totally unrelated, like two episodes of a reality show with no overarching plot. The message: Mexico is our helpful neighbor when we want it, but we’ll still flex hard on immigrants at home because, well, optics matter. Meanwhile, anyone questioning the logic can just enjoy the circus—and maybe bring popcorn.