Dwain Northey (Gen X)

Ah yes, the legendary Trump Sharpie — the most powerful writing instrument in the history of the free world. Forget nuclear codes or economic policy; real authority was always housed in that glorified permanent marker. Need to inflate poll numbers? Just draw a few extra approval points right onto the chart. Voila! Now everyone agrees you’re more popular than Lincoln.

And who could forget Sharpiegate — the moment when a simple weather map was boldly enhanced to prove that Alabama was indeed in the path of Hurricane Dorian. Who needs meteorologists when you’ve got a magic marker and unshakable confidence? Why rely on facts when you can just add reality by hand?

It’s not just a Sharpie — it’s a wand. It rewrites history, shifts hurricanes, and apparently outranks NOAA. It’s practically the 67th book of the Bible. Moses had stone tablets; Trump had Expo ink.

One can only imagine what else it’s touched. Executive orders? Doodles of border walls? Secret menus at Mar-a-Lago?

In a world burdened by nuance and truth, the Trump Sharpie offered a refreshing alternative: bold lines, no erasers, and absolute certainty — however imaginary. Truly, the Excalibur of executive stationery.