Dwain Northey (Gen X)

For decades, Republicans have treated politics like a game of Calvinball — the rules change whenever it suits them, and somehow they’re always the ones keeping score. Gerrymandering? Totally fine when Texas slices and dices districts into shapes that look like a toddler’s spaghetti art project, ensuring they can squeeze the maximum number of Republican seats out of a minority of votes. But now? Now Democratic governors like Gavin Newsom in California and J.B. Pritzker in Illinois have decided to stop playing the role of polite losers and start using those same “rules” to their own advantage. And suddenly, Republicans are clutching their pearls like Victorian fainting queens.

In Texas, Republicans have long perfected the art of redistricting to dilute Democratic power — stacking voters here, cracking communities there — all perfectly legal under the rules they’ve twisted to their benefit. They’ve defended it as “just politics” or “what the Founders intended” (spoiler: the Founders didn’t know what an electoral map was). But the minute Newsom or Pritzker hint that they might take the same approach — drawing maps that favor Democrats as blatantly as Republicans have done for decades — the GOP’s tune changes from “play to win” to “this is unfair and undemocratic!”

The irony is thick enough to pave a highway. When Republican states manipulate district lines to secure decades of conservative dominance, it’s called “defending the will of the people.” When Democrats use the exact same tools, it becomes “tyranny” and “partisan overreach.” This isn’t about fairness; it’s about Republicans being outraged that Democrats are finally refusing to bring a handshake to a knife fight.

Newsom and Pritzker aren’t just threatening to redraw maps — they’re sending a bigger message: if these are the rules, then we’ll play by them, and we’ll play to win. And that terrifies the GOP, because for the first time in a long while, Democrats are showing they understand that winning elections sometimes means fighting just as ruthlessly as the other side.

Republicans spent years building the gerrymandering machine that gave them disproportionate power. Now, with Democrats stepping into the driver’s seat, the GOP is suddenly talking about “protecting democracy.” Translation: “We’re fine with this game as long as we’re the ones cheating.” But here’s the truth — if Democrats keep this up, the “game” might finally start to balance. And that’s the one thing Republicans fear more than anything: a level playing field.