Dwain Northey (Gen X)

For years, Donald Trump and his elk — yes, elk, because the herd is clumsy, loud, and charges at anything that moves — have been waddling straight down the authoritarian playbook as if it were a paint-by-numbers kit. Step one: trash every institution that keeps you in check. Step two: scream “fake news” until your supporters can’t tell the difference between facts and Fox. Step three: turn every opponent into an “enemy of the people” and every violent thug into a “patriot.” Step four: demand blind loyalty not to country, not to Constitution, but to your spray-tanned self. And voilà, authoritarianism à la Trump. The terrifying part? Democrats spent years wringing their hands, whispering about “norms,” and praying that civility would magically protect democracy from a man who thinks the Constitution is just another contract he can stiff.

But here’s the plot twist no one saw coming: it’s not too late. The Democrats — after decades of acting like the world’s most timid crossing guards — have finally realized that defense doesn’t win championships. And they’re suiting up.

Take Rep. Jasmine Crockett, who’s been cutting through GOP nonsense with the precision of a surgeon and the flair of a prizefighter. Or governors like Gavin Newsom and JB Pritzker, who’ve stopped pretending Republicans care about “fairness” and are now threatening to play the redistricting game just as ruthlessly. Cue the GOP fainting couch routine: “How dare Democrats play by the rules we wrote to screw them over!” Oh, the hypocrisy. You can almost hear the elk snorting in confusion.

And let’s be honest: nothing deflates an aspiring strongman faster than being laughed at. Trump feeds on fear; his elk stampede only when there’s panic in the air. But Democrats have started poking holes in the whole charade with mockery and sharp elbows. Newsom trolling Trump with passive-aggressive thank-you notes? British bagpipers blaring outside the rented vacation fences of the Trump crowd? That’s kryptonite to the orange authoritarian ego. Trump doesn’t melt when you confront him with logic — he melts when you laugh at him.

This is what offense looks like: not abandoning values, but refusing to be doormats. For too long, Democrats acted like the timid kid begging the teacher to stop the schoolyard bully. Now they’re standing up, calling the bully’s bluff, and — here’s the delicious part — the bully is rattled. Every lawsuit, every mocking jab, every time Democrats fight back, another crack appears in Trump’s illusion of invincibility.

Yes, Trump and his elk are still trudging along the authoritarian trail, antlers locked, snorting about “witch hunts” and “rigged systems.” But for the first time in years, Democrats aren’t just waving rulebooks while getting trampled. They’re charging back. And it turns out, when you stop playing defense and start playing offense, the authoritarian playbook isn’t destiny — it’s just a sad script waiting to be torn up.