Dwain Northey (Gen X)

Republicans are the undisputed champions of branding. They can take a steaming pile of legislation, slap a patriotic bow on it, and suddenly half the country thinks it’s apple pie. It’s political Mad Men without the cigarettes and whiskey. Democrats, meanwhile, often sound like your overqualified professor explaining macroeconomics to a room full of people who just wanted to know if rent is due on the first or the fifth.

Let’s look at some of the GOP’s greatest hits in the “sounds good, screws you” category — and what Democrats should be calling them instead.

1. “Right to Work”

GOP Spin: Freedom! Choice! Your boss is your best friend! Reality: It’s the “Right to Work for Less.” Wages go down, benefits evaporate, and unions get kneecapped. Democratic Rebrand: Call it what it is: “The Boss’s Bill of Rights” — because the only one with rights in this setup is your employer.

2. “Tax Cuts and Jobs Act”

GOP Spin: Jobs raining from the sky, tax relief for the little guy. Reality: A corporate piñata stuffed with goodies for billionaires. Your crumbs expire while theirs don’t. Democratic Rebrand: “The Trickle-Down Scam Act.” Because even Republicans admit that “jobs” somehow never trickle down.

3. “Parents’ Rights”

GOP Spin: Who doesn’t love parents having a say? Reality: A Trojan horse for banning books, targeting LGBTQ+ kids, and erasing uncomfortable history. Democratic Rebrand: “Parents’ Wrongs.” Or better: “The Book Burning Act of 2025.”

4. “Election Integrity”

GOP Spin: We just want safe, honest elections! Reality: Translation: “How do we stop college kids, Black voters, and seniors from casting ballots?” Democratic Rebrand: “Voter Suppression by Design.” Or the more sarcastic: “Because You Can’t Win Fairly Act.”

5. “School Choice”

GOP Spin: Who doesn’t want options for their kids? Reality: Public schools get gutted while tax dollars fund private academies and fundamentalist Sunday schools. Democratic Rebrand: “School Theft” or “Public Schools for the Privileged.”

6. “Energy Independence”

GOP Spin: Sounds patriotic, right? Reality: Drill, baby, drill. Burn baby, burn. Renewable energy? Sorry, doesn’t pad oil execs’ wallets. Democratic Rebrand: “Oil CEO Welfare.” Straight to the point.

7. “Religious Freedom”

GOP Spin: We’re just protecting people’s faith. Reality: It’s a license to discriminate, usually against LGBTQ+ folks or women who dare want healthcare. Democratic Rebrand: “The Freedom to Hate Act.”

8. “Pro-Life”

GOP Spin: Who doesn’t love life? Reality: Once you’re born, good luck with healthcare, childcare, or gun violence. Democratic Rebrand: “Forced Birth Movement.” Or my personal favorite: “Pro-Birth, Anti-Life.”

9. “Entitlement Reform”

GOP Spin: Just fixing inefficiencies. Reality: Translation: “We want to take your Social Security and Medicare and give it to Wall Street.” Democratic Rebrand: “The Retire in Poverty Plan.”

10. “America First”

GOP Spin: Sounds patriotic! Reality: Isolationist, xenophobic, and usually means “corporations first, you second.” Democratic Rebrand: “America Screwed.”

So What Should Democrats Do?

Stop talking like a C-SPAN transcript and start marketing like it’s a Super Bowl ad. Republicans figured out decades ago that Americans respond to simple, punchy words. Democrats respond with 12-point policy briefs that sound like they were written by your tax accountant’s tax accountant.

Here are a few rules Democrats should steal from the GOP playbook:

Keep It Short. Call it the “Billionaire Tax Cut” instead of “The 2017 Tax Cuts and Jobs Act.” Make It Visual. Voters remember “drain the swamp,” not “increase federal transparency.” Use Sarcasm. Point out the hypocrisy. “Right to Work? Yeah, right to work for poverty wages.” Brand Aggressively. Don’t wait for Republicans to define the issue. Call it what it is before Fox News gets to it. Repeat Until It Sticks. If the GOP can convince people that book bans are about “parents’ rights,” Democrats can convince people that Social Security cuts are “The Steal from Grandma Act.”

Republicans have the Madison Avenue magic. They take policies designed for billionaires and brand them as if they were hand-knitted sweaters for working families. Democrats? They need to stop being the earnest librarian and start being the sarcastic friend who tells you the label on the bottle is a lie. Because in politics, if you don’t brand your opponent’s ideas first, they’ll brand themselves as the hero — and you as the villain.