Lyle Northey (Silent/Boomer)

Ah yes, let’s all rise and salute the good old days when Barry Goldwater’s campaign ad had schoolchildren reciting the Pledge of Allegiance like little wind-up patriot dolls. Because nothing says “freedom” like mandatory loyalty chants. Do we still do that? Of course! And if some lawmakers had their way, not only would kids be pledging allegiance every morning, they’d be kneeling before a golden tablet of the Ten Commandments mounted above the Smartboard. Forget math, forget science—just recite “Thou shalt not kill” before heading off to active-shooter drills. The irony practically screams from the chalkboard: politicians pretending they care about morality while simultaneously passing laws that turn every strip mall into the O.K. Corral. Truly, we live in a master class of hypocrisy that could only be described as Olympic-level stupidity.

Meanwhile, freedom—remember that quaint little concept?—is hanging by a thread. The idea that one party, already mangled beyond recognition, could dominate every part of our lives is no longer a cautionary tale; it’s a business plan. Their economic “program” has already tanked jobs and stunted growth faster than you can say “trickle-down.” And the immigrant raids? Nothing like state-sponsored home invasions to really capture that warm, fuzzy, family-values vibe. Our so-called moral compass is less “north-south” and more “spinning wildly like a broken ceiling fan.” Brute force has now become a lifestyle brand—one part dystopia, one part reality TV, and somehow people are buying the merch.

And what’s the cherry on top of this sundae of national decline? More guns, of course! Because nothing says “problem solved” like flooding the streets with weapons while removing whatever pitiful regulations still exist. The logic here is dazzling: create chaos, then use that chaos as justification for more brute force. It’s the kind of brilliant strategy you’d expect from someone who thinks “Home Alone 2” is a documentary. Civil war cosplay is being openly courted, and the recruits? ICE agents being paid handsomely today, only to become tomorrow’s cannon fodder in a game where the rules are written in crayon.

And let’s not forget the police officers and soldiers being used as chess pieces in this empire-building fantasy. Every day, they wake up to the possibility that they’ll be asked to sacrifice not for liberty, not for justice, but for the fragile ego of a coward who confuses tweeting with leadership. National Guard troops are already signaling: “Hard pass, we’re not dying for your tantrum.” If being King is such a burning passion, then by all means, hand the man a rusty bayonet and point him toward the front line. Spoiler alert: he won’t go. He’ll sit on his gaudy throne, tweeting about his “strength,” while others pay the ultimate price.

And those who follow him blindly? They’re not marching toward greatness; they’re marching straight into the abyss. But hey, at least they’ll have the Ten Commandments framed nicely on the wall while everything else burns to ash.