Dwain Northey (Gen X)

So here we are: Charlie Kirk, freshly elevated into martyrdom status, and the right wing is treating his assassination as if the heavens cracked open and dropped a halo onto his head. Forget the years of ranting, sneering, and mocking empathy—suddenly Kirk is Schleicher 2.0, a noble patriot struck down by the forces of darkness. The only thing missing is Wagner blaring in the background and torchlight parades. But give it time. They’ll get there.

The parallels to Kurt von Schleicher are almost too on the nose. Schleicher, a man who once occupied the highest seat of power in Weimar Germany, was gunned down in his own home when Hitler decided “thanks for your service, now please die.” It was tidy, efficient, and historically convenient. His death cleared the path for the Reich to become not a democracy wobbling toward the abyss, but a dictatorship in full sprint. And now Kirk, whose greatest accomplishments include telling teenagers that empathy is weakness and that mass shootings are the price of liberty, is transformed in death into a kind of political fuel. His rhetoric was toxic when he was alive, but now it’s going to be canonized as scripture.

Cue the crocodile tears from the same movement that has consistently rolled its eyes at “thoughts and prayers” fatigue, mocked victims of school shootings, and insisted that nothing can ever be done about gun violence because, gosh darn it, the Founders gave us muskets. But suddenly, with Kirk lying cold, now violence matters. Now flags must be lowered, voices must tremble with grief, and the entire machinery of outrage must roar into motion. This isn’t hypocrisy, they’ll insist. No, no—it’s patriotism. After all, Kirk wasn’t just anyone. He was their anyone.

And here’s where the sarcasm practically writes itself. The right, which has long insisted that “bodies in the street” are the acceptable price of freedom, is shocked—shocked!—to find that the bill finally landed at their own table. Who could have guessed that the culture of armed paranoia, endless demonization of enemies, and fetishization of violence might, just possibly, boomerang back? But don’t expect any self-reflection. Just as Schleicher’s death was rewritten as necessary proof of Nazi strength, Kirk’s assassination will be spun as a holy tragedy that proves the left wants to destroy America. He’ll be remembered not as the man who preached callousness, but as a symbol of purity whose blood cries out for vengeance.

And vengeance is the real prize here. Fascism loves martyrs the way fire loves oxygen. Hitler needed Schleicher’s death to seal his legend; today’s would-be authoritarians need Kirk’s corpse to supercharge their movement. He is more valuable to them dead than alive, because in death he can’t contradict the myth they’re writing. He can’t tweet something embarrassing, he can’t contradict the narrative, he can’t remind anyone that he was, at the end of the day, just another grifter in a tailored suit. No—now he’s eternal.

So congratulations, America. You’ve managed to find your Schleicher, your myth-making moment. The right will build him a shrine of rhetoric, demand unquestioning loyalty in his memory, and accuse anyone who dares roll their eyes of sacrilege. History, as always, doesn’t just rhyme—it mocks.