Dwain Northey (Gen X)

Bless her heart… Pam Bondi — the ever-loyal handmaiden of the Orange Throne. She struts onto the national stage like a blonde crusader in sequins, waving her legal sword for Dear Leader DJ T, blissfully unaware that history has a funny way of devouring the king’s courtiers long before it touches the crown.

Let’s take a nostalgic stroll down Watergate Lane, shall we? Once upon a scandal, there was another president who thought he was untouchable — Richard Milhous Nixon, the original “I am not a crook” pioneer. But when the house of lies came crashing down, it wasn’t Nixon who did the hard time. Oh no, the man himself waltzed off into a sunny California retirement, while his loyal Attorney General, John Mitchell — the guy who ran legal interference for the president — ended up in federal prison. Because that’s what happens when you mistake “serving justice” for “serving the boss.”

Fast forward to Pam Bondi, who apparently skipped that chapter in her American history book — maybe too busy prepping for her next Fox News cameo. She’s out here treating the DOJ like a cheerleading squad for DJ T’s latest tantrum, forgetting that the “God King” doesn’t share cell blocks with his disciples. He leaves that part to the true believers who can’t resist the Kool-Aid.

Bondi’s problem is simple: she’s betting her career, her reputation, and possibly her freedom on a man who views loyalty as a disposable commodity. Ask Michael Cohen how that story ends. Ask John Mitchell’s ghost. Hell, ask any of the 34 felonies currently orbiting Trump like a bad cologne cloud.

Pam Bondi may think she’s defending her golden idol from the evil deep state — but what she’s really doing is volunteering to be the next historical footnote. When the indictments come (and trust me, they will), Trump will throw her under the Mar-a-Lago bus with a smile and a golf clap.

Because the God King never falls alone — he just makes sure everyone else hits the ground first.