Dwain Northey (Gen X)

Tiny Johnson and the Starvation Strategy

The government shutdown drags on like a bad joke that’s lost its punchline — and at the center of it stands Speaker Mike Johnson, or as the internet has aptly christened him, Tiny Johnson. It’s not just a nickname; it’s a symbol — of the smallness of his vision, his compassion, and his capacity to lead. Because in his latest round of political theater, Johnson has all but admitted that he’d rather let Americans starve than reconvene the House and govern like an adult.

He’s taken to the cameras, dripping with faux righteousness, declaring that this shutdown is all the Democrats’ fault. His logic? “We could solve this at any moment if they would only sign our clean continuing resolution.” Clean. That’s a laugh. It’s “clean” in the way a toxic spill looks clean when you squint and dim the lights. His so-called “clean” CR is loaded with ideological sludge — provisions that rip funding from the Affordable Care Act, which would jack up insurance premiums by hundreds, even thousands of dollars a year for working families.

So here we are, held hostage by a man who thinks starving children on SNAP is just good fiscal discipline and gutting healthcare is an acceptable sacrifice to appease the far-right base. He’s offering a false choice between compassion and control — as if feeding the poor requires bankrupting the sick.

And when you strip away the talking points, Johnson’s message is clear: He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about the single mom waiting on her next SNAP deposit. He doesn’t care about the federal workers staring at empty paychecks while Congress plays political Jenga. He doesn’t care about the people watching their health insurance evaporate because it’s easier to destroy something than to fix it.

The shutdown has become a moral mirror, reflecting back just how warped the priorities of the Republican House have become. They’d rather burn down the system than let a Democrat hold a match. Johnson could call the House back into session tomorrow. He could let a clean funding bill — a real clean bill — come to the floor and reopen the government. But he won’t. Because he’s not governing; he’s grandstanding.

Every day this shutdown drags on, real people pay the price. Families are missing paychecks. Small businesses that rely on federal contracts are hanging by a thread. WIC benefits are running dry. And all the while, Johnson stands at his podium, puffing up his chest and pretending that cruelty is courage.

Tiny Johnson doesn’t just lead a shutdown — he embodies it. Small-minded, mean-spirited, and perfectly content to let the country bleed as long as it feeds his ego. And that’s the real obscenity here: not just the hunger, the anxiety, the chaos, but the smug satisfaction of a man who sees suffering as leverage.

If this is leadership, then the bar has not only been lowered — it’s been buried six feet under, right next to the moral conscience of the GOP.