Dwain Northey (Gen X)

Well, well, well — look who just got a reality check wrapped in a tsunami of blue ballots. Yes, folks, the “massive red wave” that Donald Trump and his loyal GOP disciples promised us turned out to be more like a red puddle — and not even a deep one. Meanwhile, Democrats surfed in on a blue wave so big it should’ve come with FEMA warnings and free sandbags for the Republican National Committee.

Now, you’d think after getting politically body-slammed by the voters, the GOP might pause, take a breath, and say, “Hey, maybe our message isn’t landing!” But no. That would require something that’s apparently harder for Donald J. Trump to do than admitting he lost an election — namely, facing facts.

According to Donny, the losses weren’t really losses. Oh no. It was the shutdown’s fault. Or the media. Or low turnout. Or Mercury being in retrograde. Anything, really, except the possibility that Americans are tired of cruelty as policy and delusion as leadership.

Republicans are out here trying to explain away an electoral face-plant while insisting voters are the problem. Meanwhile, Trump, in his usual reality-optional fashion, continues to act like his political genius is unquestioned. After all, how could a man who “won by a lot” in 2020 possibly be responsible for losing anything? Clearly, it’s rigged — again — by the vast conspiracy of people who can count.

Let’s be clear: this wasn’t just a loss; it was a wake-up call the size of a church bell. Voters shouted, “We care about the cost of living! We care about healthcare! We care about functioning democracy!” And the GOP responded with, “But what about drag queens and Hunter Biden’s laptop?”

Trump’s followers are now performing post-election autopsies without ever touching the actual corpse. “It’s fine!” they say. “We just need Trump on the ballot next time!” Sure. Because nothing screams “winning strategy” like doubling down on the guy who already lost the popular vote twice, oversaw midterm losses, and inspires turnout — for the other side.

The truth is simple, if you dare to look: voters want leaders who solve problems, not just perform tantrums. But Trump and company are too busy rearranging the deck chairs on the S.S. MAGA to notice that the iceberg of public opinion has already torn a hole in their hull.

In the end, the blue wave didn’t just knock over the GOP’s sandcastle — it exposed the foundation of delusion holding it up. And while the rest of the party is finally rubbing its eyes, bleary from the shock, Donny is still hitting the snooze button on reality, insisting that the alarm clock is fake news.