Dwain Northey (Gen X)

Republicans—especially the Trump-loyal, reality-optional faction—have taken up a new national pastime: pointing at Democrats and shouting, “What if this Democrat is on the Epstein list? What if that one is? WHAT IF?!”

They deliver these hypotheticals with the dramatic intensity of a soap-opera actor discovering a long-lost twin. They wait for Democrats to gasp, faint, or clutch their pearls. And instead, Democrats say the most boring thing imaginable:

“If someone did something criminal, let them fall.”

Cue the Republican confusion. Because in GOP culture, loyalty is supposed to override everything—felonies, ethics, the Constitution, basic shame. So the idea that Democrats might actually toss their own overboard? That breaks the simulation.

And honestly, Republicans shouldn’t be surprised. Democrats have a borderline ruthless track record of ejecting their own at the first whiff of misconduct.

Jeffrey Weiner? Gone for sexting someone in his orbit.

Al Franken? Resigned over allegations that, while debatable in severity, were still treated as disqualifying. Democrats said, “You know what? Out.” And out he went. No cult of personality. No “witch hunt” press conference. No chanting his name at rallies like a rejected WWE storyline.

So why, exactly, are Republicans shocked that Democrats would also kick someone straight to the curb if they were involved in anything as horrifying as child exploitation?

Democrats have already demonstrated they’re perfectly willing to apply consequences—even when it hurts, even when the allegations aren’t anywhere near the level of the monstrous acts associated with Epstein’s world. Accountability isn’t a foreign concept; it’s the operating system.

Meanwhile, Republicans keep waving imaginary “gotcha” scenarios around, as if Democrats are secretly playing by the same loyalty-cult rulebook. They’re not. Democrats don’t protect predators, party be damned.

If someone’s guilty, throw them overboard. It’s not complicated.

Which, of course, is why it’s so utterly baffling to a political movement that thinks accountability is something that only happens to the other side.