Dwain Northey (Gen X)

Donald Trump remains the only man in America who can be a paradox, an enigma, and a riddle—all while insisting he’s the clearest, most transparent genius who ever lived. It’s a remarkable skill, really. If something terrible happens and his name even brushes against it—poof!—it’s instantly a hoax, a setup, a witch hunt, a deep-state hallucination. The man could trip over his own shoelaces on live television and somehow insist gravity is a hoax invented by Democrats.

But flip the script, give him even a hint of credit for something, and suddenly it was all him. Single-handedly. Personally. Historically. The best in all of human civilization, and probably a few prior ones too.

The paradox becomes Olympic-level gymnastics when the Epstein files come up. If his name appears anywhere, it’s fabricated, forged, Photoshopped by the CIA, and probably sprinkled with Hillary Clinton’s DNA for good measure. If his name doesn’t appear? Well, congratulations America, he has been divinely exonerated—case closed, nothing to see here, move along.

It’s less a logic system and more a Choose Your Own Adventure where every page somehow ends with “Donald Trump did nothing wrong.” A self-sealing world where evidence is fake unless it helps him, and truth is absolute only when it flatters him.

Are you really paying attention? Because he’s counting on you not to.