Dwain Northey (Gen X)

If you listen closely across America’s blue states, you can almost hear the frantic scribbling of lawmakers racing to keep up with the latest episode of Kristi Noem’s Cosplay Cruelty Campaign, the long-running reality show in which state officials attempt to out-Texas Texas by inventing ever more creative ways to “round up” people who simply have the audacity to exist with melanin levels above “Nordic Winter.”

But unlike the governors who treat the Constitution like it’s optional DLC for democracy, the blue states have decided to fight back the only way they know how: by writing laws so by-the-book they make the IRS look like Burning Man.

Yes, indeed. Democratic cities and states across the map are slipping new rules into their state codes with the precision of someone smuggling snacks into a movie theater. These laws politely but firmly say:

“Dear ICE Agents and Your Tactical Halloween-Costume Enthusiasts:

No, you may not lurk outside our courthouses like discount Batman impersonators.

No, you may not drag away witnesses, victims, or literally anyone who came to court voluntarily.

No, you may not set up your ‘surprise immigration checkpoint’ between the parking lot and Judge Hernandez’s courtroom.”

In other words, if federal agents want to cosplay “Frontier Justice,” they’ll have to do it somewhere else—preferably at Comic-Con, where people actually appreciate a good costume.

And the best part? These blue states aren’t even being sneaky about it. They’re doing it legally. Quietly. Methodically. Like that one coworker who reads the employee handbook for fun and then uses it to win every workplace dispute.

So now, thanks to these new laws, if someone shows up in court to testify about a crime they witnessed, or even just to pay a parking ticket, they can do so without being pounced on by a group of tactical-vested role-players who think “due process” is a type of gluten-free snack.

Actually appearing in court?

Participating in the justice system?

Trying to follow the law?

Blue states: “We encourage this.”

Noem’s cosplay squad: “But… but… we brought zip ties.”

Blue states: “That’s nice, dear. Take them home.”

So while some states are busy staging live-action detention theater, others are quietly writing laws that say, essentially:

“If you want to enforce the law, maybe start by not breaking it.”

A radical concept, apparently.

But here we are—America in 2025—where the new frontline in the immigration debate is whether courthouse hallways are safe havens or hunting grounds.

And, frankly, if the choice is between:

states that weaponize bureaucracy like a toddler with a stick, or states that use bureaucracy to protect people from the weaponizers,

then at least the latter is playing by the rules… even if those rules are now longer than a CVS receipt.