Dwain Northey (Gen X)

Are you effing kidding me? Of all the chaos that could possibly come out of Washington on a Tuesday morning, now we’re waking up to the administration deciding—on behalf of the entire country—that nursing, architecture, teaching, and even physical therapy don’t count as professional degrees anymore. Yes, you read that right. According to the latest panel of geniuses (and by geniuses, I mean the same people who think “critical thinking” is a communist plot), we’re supposed to pretend that these fields—fields that require years of advanced education and licensing—are somehow not “professional” enough for federal student loan programs.

Apparently “professional” now means something between “I saw it on YouTube” and “my cousin Earl told me it’s real.”

Let’s break this down. Nursing. You know, the people who literally keep hospitals from collapsing into Lord of the Flies with stethoscopes? Not professional. Architecture—the folks who design every building these bureaucratic masterminds hold press conferences in? Not professional. Teachers, the people shaping the next generation so they hopefully grow up smarter than this current batch of policymakers—also not professional. And physical therapists—who have to earn a doctorate (yes, doctor, as in “graduate-level professional degree,” as in “the thing we used to define professions by”)—somehow have been demoted to what? Hobbyists?

The message is loud, clear, and monumentally stupid:

If it helps society function, we don’t think it’s a profession.

And the result? Making it more difficult—logistically and financially—to get federal student loans for these degrees. Because why support the people who spend their lives healing, teaching, building, rehabilitating, caring, or otherwise preventing civilization from collapsing? No, no, let’s instead create barriers for them while shoveling money toward whatever the administration does consider professional. (Spoiler: if someone can lobby with a check, it’s probably “professional.”)

It’s like this administration gathered a group of knuckle-draggers around a whiteboard and said:

“Alright boys, how do we make sure we discourage exactly the fields that keep the country running?”

And someone in the back grunted, “What if we make student loans harder for nurses and teachers? That’ll show ’em.”

And everyone applauded.

Like seals.

But dumber.

This entire move reeks of a government that couldn’t pass a 100-level community college course on “What Is A Profession?” if you gave them the answer key, a tutor, and an emotional support animal.

Because here’s the truth they don’t seem to grasp: professionalism isn’t determined by political convenience. It’s determined by rigor, responsibility, licensure, accreditation, and the kind of education that takes actual work—not inherited wealth or a cousin in the committee chair’s office.

And the people they’re targeting? They’re the backbone of every functioning society. Nurses. Teachers. Architects. Doctoral-level therapists who make it possible for people to walk again. If these aren’t professionals, then neither is anyone in the room creating these policies.

In fact, if this administration truly believes those careers “aren’t professional,” then by all means:

The next time a policymaker breaks a hip, don’t call a physical therapist.

The next time their kid needs an education, don’t send them to a teacher.

The next time their blood pressure hits 200/120, don’t page a nurse.

And the next time they want to hold a rally in a structurally sound building, well—good luck with that.

But of course, they won’t. Because even when they attack these professions, they still rely on them.

In the end, this isn’t just bureaucratic stupidity—it’s a declaration of what this administration values. And clearly, it’s not intelligence, not education, and definitely not the people who make the country livable.

Are you effing kidding me?

Unfortunately, no.

They’re serious.

And that’s the most terrifying part.