Dwain Northey (Gen X)

In the ever-expanding universe of Donnie’s bruised ego, where every slight is a cosmic injustice and every disagreement is a coup attempt, we have reached the next predictable—but still astonishing—stage of escalation. It turns out that nothing stings quite like former military leaders reminding current military members of a basic civic truth: you don’t follow unlawful orders.

You would think that this foundational principle—one of the bedrocks of military ethics, one of the great lessons learned from Nuremberg onward—would be universally embraced. But in Donnie-land, where loyalty is measured by obedience and obedience is measured by how quickly you leap to repeat his grievances, even the suggestion that soldiers have agency is treated as outright mutiny.

Enter Dear Leader and his loyal emotional support pundit, Pete Hegseth, who has become something like a hype-man for authoritarian cosplay. Together, they’ve managed to whip up enough righteous indignation to pressure the Pentagon into investigating none other than Senator Mark Kelly—astronaut, Navy captain, actual American hero—for… treason.

Yes. Treason.

For participating in a campaign reminding military personnel that they must not follow illegal orders.

Not lawful orders. Not standard orders.

Illegal ones.

Apparently nuance is the new sedition.

This would be hilarious if it weren’t so bleak. But in the contemporary strongman starter pack, the formula is always the same:

Portray lawful dissent as rebellion. Portray accountability as betrayal. And when all else fails, label your critics “traitors” and hint loudly that the penalty should be severe—preferably medieval.

And so here we are, watching an actual astronaut—one of those rare humans who have seen the Earth from above and returned with their sanity—being metaphorically strapped to the launchpad of Donnie’s insecurities because he dared to affirm constitutional norms. The Pentagon, apparently weary of trying to referee political tantrums, is now expected to hunt for evidence that Senator Kelly’s participation in a public-service announcement constitutes some elaborate, deep-state “defrocking” conspiracy.

The punishment being floated by the outrage machine?

Not a reprimand.

Not a censure.

No, no—nothing so mild.

They’re murmuring about treason, a word that Donnie tosses around the way other people say “whatever.” And because treason carries the possibility of execution, the whole spectacle takes on the aroma of someone flipping through the dictator starter manual and skipping ahead to the advanced chapters.

The whole situation manages, in one neat package, to capture the distilled essence of authoritarianism: the insistence that loyalty to the leader supersedes loyalty to the law. The idea that any challenge—no matter how grounded in constitutional obligation—is inherently disobedient. And the belief that the only good military is one that salutes the person in power, not the principles of the nation.

It’s almost poetic, in a tragicomic way. Donnie, the self-styled champion of the troops, now furious with the military for doing exactly what a healthy democracy requires of them. Pete, banging the drum like a medieval herald of punitive patriotism. And Senator Kelly, drifting serenely above them like he’s still in orbit, probably wondering how a man trained to dock with the International Space Station is now being accused of high treason for promoting basic military ethics.

If it weren’t so dangerous, it would be slapstick: a leader so consumed by his own fragility that even the concept of lawful vs. unlawful orders becomes an existential threat. A pundit-class so desperate to appease him that they’re willing to turn constitutional norms into capital crimes. A movement that shouts “freedom!” while demanding unquestioning obedience.

But here’s the quiet truth beneath the noise:

When powerful people become angry at the idea that soldiers shouldn’t follow illegal orders… it says everything about the kind of orders they imagine giving.

And that’s why voices like Senator Kelly’s matter—voices that remind the country that the oath is to the Constitution, not to Dear Leader’s feelings. In an era where insecurity masquerades as strength and retaliation is mistaken for patriotism, insisting on the rule of law has become an act of courage.

Which, ironically, makes Kelly even more of a hero—perhaps the very thing that annoys Donnie the most.

If you want, I can write an even sharper version, a more absurdist satire, or a more solemn constitutional analysis.