Dwain Northey (Gen X)

We’ve now entered that magical time of year when the air fills with twinkling lights, peppermint-flavored everything, and the annual Festival of Public Greeting Anxiety. Some brave souls say “Happy Holidays,” others belt out a hearty “Merry Christmas,” and then there’s my personal favorite: the silent, side-eyed go screw yourself stare people deploy when they’ve decided that any deviation from their preferred seasonal salutation is an existential threat to civilization.

It’s always fascinating to watch certain folks get performatively secular or hyper-religious depending on who’s standing in front of them at Target. December contains a whole constellation of holidays—Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Yule, Solstice, Las Posadas, New Year’s, and that sacred American tradition of panicking about shipping deadlines. Yet somehow, only the supreme jackasses among us insist that the only acceptable greeting—the only one—is “Merry Christmas.”

This is, of course, the same crowd that has spent years insisting there’s a “war on Christmas.” A war that, as far as anyone can tell, has never had a single casualty, battle, or even a mildly disorganized skirmish outside a Starbucks. And then there was the pièce de résistance: the moment in his first term when Donald Trump proudly proclaimed that he had single-handedly rescued Christmas. From what, exactly? Unclear. Possibly from red coffee cups. Possibly from reality.

But the truth is simple: there was never a war on Christmas. No one banned it, burned it, or hid it under a tarp in a government warehouse. The holiday is doing just fine—and would continue to do just fine—without any political savior swooping in with a golden eagle podium and a self-congratulatory flourish. Claiming otherwise is, unsurprisingly, complete and total bullshit.

So as we wade into December, maybe the real spirit of the season is this: say whatever greeting you want, accept whatever greeting you get, and don’t let anyone convince you that acknowledging more than one holiday is some radical assault on tradition. After all, goodwill toward all is supposed to be part of the package—no matter how loudly some people insist it only comes in one brand.