Dwain Northey (Gen X)

Ah yes, Donald’s Board of Peace—a bold, historic innovation in diplomacy where peace finally gets the leadership it deserves: one man, indefinitely, with an optional billion-dollar cover charge. It’s really a beautiful setup. So beautiful, in fact, that Donald himself never has to leave it. President, ex-president, private citizen, defendant—none of that matters. The Board of Peace is eternal, and so is its chairman. World peace may be fragile, fleeting, and complicated, but Donald’s seat? Rock solid. Bolted down. Probably engraved.

And let’s talk about the membership model, because nothing screams “moral authority” like a $1 billion lifetime buy-in. Not for defense, not for humanitarian aid, not even for infrastructure—just vibes. Where does the money go? Excellent question. The documents are elusive, the accounting mysterious, and the transparency… well, let’s just say it’s very on brand. One assumes the funds are carefully allocated to the pursuit of peace, which in this context appears to mean luxury, loyalty, and maybe a few gold accents. You don’t end wars with diplomacy anymore—you Venmo a billionaire and hope for the best.

The name itself is inspired. “Board of Peace” sounds noble until you realize it’s probably spelled P-I-E-C-E, not P-E-A-C-E, because this isn’t about the world living in harmony—it’s about Donald getting his piece. His piece of power. His piece of relevance. His piece of history where he’s not just a former president but a permanent global decider, hovering over geopolitics like a timeshare owner who refuses to check out.

And that’s the genius of it all. While actual peace requires compromise, humility, and accountability, Donald’s version requires only money and admiration. No elections, no term limits, no awkward exits. Just a self-appointed chairman of harmony, selling serenity at a premium, assuring us that as long as he is comfortable, the world should probably calm down. After all, what could possibly go wrong when peace is privatized, monetized, and run like a personal brand? Surely this is how history’s great conflicts have always been resolved: one ego, one board, one billion dollars at a time.