Dwain Northey (Gen X)

We’re now at the point in the national sleepwalking exercise where Donald, fresh off seizing voting records from Holt County, Georgia—because apparently “states’ rights” now means states’ stuff belongs to me—is openly floating the idea that elections should be nationalized. Not nationalized in the “uniform standards and equal access” way, mind you, but nationalized in the Republicans should run them so they’re fair way. Which is a sentence that should make the Constitution burst into flames out of sheer embarrassment.

Let’s be clear: this isn’t a slip of the tongue. This isn’t hyperbole. This is a guy standing on the hood of the American system, smashing the windshield, and yelling, “Relax, I’m fixing it.” The same Constitution Republicans wrap themselves in like a security blanket when someone mentions gun safety or student debt? That Constitution very deliberately put elections in the hands of the states, with decentralized control, precisely so no one party, no one man, could rig the entire system in their favor. You know—tyranny prevention, that boring old concept.

And yet here we are, being told with a straight face that the solution to losing elections is not better ideas, broader appeal, or maybe not nominating the same aggrieved reality-TV contestant again, but instead: take the elections. Just… take them. Federalize them. Party-ize them. Because nothing says “fair” like letting the people who keep losing decide the rules.

This is the political equivalent of a ref saying, “Actually, the team I like will now be in charge of keeping score.” And then half the country nodding along like, Seems reasonable.

What’s especially impressive is the audacity. For decades we were lectured that any federal involvement in elections was socialism, communism, Marxism, and possibly witchcraft. Now suddenly, central control is fine—as long as it’s red, loyal, and conveniently aligned with one man’s feelings about 2020. The Constitution didn’t change. The principles didn’t change. The only thing that changed is that he lost.

And instead of treating that loss like every other loser in American history—concede, sulk, maybe write a memoir—we’re doing this. Seizing records. Rewriting rules. Floating trial balloons about party control of democracy itself. All while insisting this is about “fairness,” the way a mugger insists this is about “redistribution.”

So again: when are we going to wake up? When the ballots are counted by party officials? When opposition voters are “reviewed”? When elections are only fair if one side wins? Because by then, congratulations—we won’t be arguing about democracy anymore. We’ll be reminiscing about it.