Dwain Northey (Gen X)

Ah yes, the Golden Age of the Personal Economy—that magical era when everything is apparently fantastic, at least according to the man with the microphone and the teleprompter.

According to Donald Trump, the economy is roaring. Incredible. The best ever. People are winning so much they might get tired of winning. Jobs are everywhere, prosperity is overflowing, and somewhere in America an eagle is probably carrying a briefcase full of stock dividends.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, many of us are experiencing a slightly different economic miracle.

For example, there’s the fascinating financial transformation where a credit score that once proudly hovered around 800—the kind banks send thank-you cards for—has now taken a thrilling roller-coaster ride down to somewhere south of 500. Apparently this is what economists call “dynamic market participation.” Some might call it “what the hell just happened.”

Debt, of course, is also booming. Absolutely booming. If personal debt were a stock, we’d all be ringing the bell on Wall Street. Credit cards are maxed, interest rates are climbing like they’re training for Everest, and the monthly bills arrive with the regularity and enthusiasm of subscription boxes nobody remembers signing up for.

But don’t worry—the experts on television assure us everything is fine.

After all, the official economy is doing great. The stock market has numbers. Charts have arrows that go up sometimes. And somewhere, someone with three vacation homes just got a tax strategy clever enough to buy a fourth.

The personal economy, on the other hand, seems to be running a slightly different program. In this version, groceries feel like luxury goods, insurance payments require a small prayer ritual, and the phrase “minimum payment due” has become the national motto.

Naturally, the long-term solution appears to be the classic American financial plan: hope the courts sort it out. Bankruptcy lawyers may soon become the fastest-growing sector of the economy. Forget tech startups—the real booming industry might be people helping the rest of us figure out which chapter of financial collapse we qualify for.

Chapter 7, Chapter 11, Chapter “please just make the phone calls stop.”

But again, we should remember the important message: everything is great. Fantastic, even. If you’re feeling broke, buried in debt, or watching your credit score collapse like a poorly built casino in Atlantic City, it’s probably just because you’re not looking at the right economic indicators.

Try turning on the news.

Apparently, that’s where the prosperity lives.