Dwain Northey (Gen X)

It seems the staffing philosophy around Donald Trump operates on a beautifully simple principle: if reality makes the boss look bad, then clearly the problem is… reality. Or, more conveniently, the nearest person standing in front of a camera when reality happens.

And so, Kristen is gone. Apparently the latest casualty in the ongoing Washington tradition known as “The Trump Image Protection Program,” where the main job qualification isn’t competence, loyalty, or even basic literacy—it’s the ability to ensure that absolutely nothing reflects poorly on the Dear Leader. If something does? Well, congratulations, you’ve just volunteered for the unemployment line.

The logic is elegant in its absurdity. If the economy sputters, fire someone. If a press conference goes sideways, fire someone. If the news accurately reports something embarrassing, obviously the reporter—or the staffer who allowed the question to exist—must be removed immediately. Because in this administration, bad headlines don’t come from bad decisions; they come from insufficiently loyal humans.

Which raises the obvious question: who’s next on the hit parade?

Perhaps Pete Hegseth. At the moment he seems safe—largely because he specializes in the ancient and noble art of televised nodding. But the danger with working around Trump is that loyalty has a half-life roughly equal to a gallon of milk left in the Arizona sun. The moment a segment goes off script or a narrative fails to land, suddenly yesterday’s “great guy, tremendous guy” becomes today’s “I barely knew him.”

It’s really a remarkable management style when you think about it. Most leaders try to fix problems. This one simply rotates through human shields until the problem goes away or the news cycle gets bored.

In fact, if the pattern continues, Washington may soon need a White House revolving door with airport-runway lighting, just to help staffers find the exit quickly enough. Cabinet members, advisors, spokespeople—anyone within a ten-foot radius of a microphone—should probably keep a cardboard box under their desk at all times. It saves time when the inevitable tweet arrives.

Because the real rule here isn’t competence or truth.

The rule is simple:

If you make Trump look bad, you’re gone.

Which means the most dangerous job in America right now might be standing next to him while reality happens.