Dwain Northey (Gen X)

Ah yes, the great mystery of modern governance: the miraculous disappearing act of tax dollars. Every April, Americans dutifully send their hard-earned money to Washington with the naive belief that it might come back to them in the form of something extravagant—like a bridge that doesn’t collapse, a highway without craters the size of bathtubs, or perhaps the radical luxury of affordable healthcare.

But alas, that kind of fiscal recklessness simply isn’t in the budget.

You see, fixing roads is expensive. Repairing bridges costs billions. Expanding healthcare access? Don’t be ridiculous. Where would we ever find that kind of money?

Now, blowing things up on the other side of the planet—that is a sound investment.

Bombs, after all, are the ultimate disposable purchase. You spend millions designing them, millions building them, millions transporting them, and then—poof—they’re gone in a matter of seconds. No resale value, no dividends, no economic return, no infrastructure improvement, no healthier population. Just a very expensive firework show followed by a press conference explaining how freedom has been defended.

It’s really quite efficient if you think about it. A bridge might last 80 years and benefit millions of commuters and businesses every single day. Imagine the irresponsibility of tying up money in something that productive. Much safer to convert billions of dollars into smoke and debris within a few seconds. That way no one expects long-term benefits.

And think of the accounting simplicity. Roads require maintenance. Hospitals require staffing. Schools require teachers. Infrastructure requires planning. But bombs? Once they explode, the paperwork is practically finished. The asset column becomes a crater, and everyone moves on.

Meanwhile, Americans bounce down highways that resemble lunar landscapes, drive across bridges that engineers politely describe as “structurally concerning,” and try to navigate a healthcare system where a routine medical visit costs roughly the same as a used car.

But please understand—priorities must be maintained.

If the government suddenly started pouring trillions into infrastructure, healthcare, and economic stability, people might begin expecting their tax dollars to actually improve their daily lives. That’s a dangerous precedent.

Far better to continue the current system: collect taxes from the public, solemnly explain that fixing domestic problems is unfortunately too expensive, and then immediately authorize another few billion dollars for extremely high-tech objects designed to explode dramatically somewhere far away.

After all, potholes may be annoying, but they don’t make nearly as impressive of a boom. 💣🇺🇸