Dwain Northey (Gen X)

The Fox News Spin: The Great Air Force One Disappearing Act

And so, ladies and gentlemen, we arrive at yet another episode of “The Fox News Spin.”

Because apparently the latest chapter in the ongoing saga of Donald Trump has all the ingredients of a Hollywood political thriller: a credible threat, Air Force One, a secret exit, a smaller military aircraft, a decoy presidential plane, and a president being quietly spirited away like a mob boss leaving through the kitchen.

Here’s the part that makes this story absolutely fucking fascinating.

Donald Trump did board the regular Air Force One. He entered the aircraft like everybody expected him to. The plane was then treated as though the president was aboard.

Except he wasn’t.

At some point, Trump exited Air Force One and was secretly transferred to a smaller military aircraft, while the regular Air Force One continued on with the staff and press corps.

And apparently, the people on Air Force One didn’t know he wasn’t there.

Think about that for a minute.

The president’s own staff and members of the press corps were flying around on the presidential aircraft believing the president was aboard, while the actual president was somewhere else entirely.

That’s not exactly “Hello, everyone, the president is safely aboard.”

That’s a decoy operation.

And then comes the really fucking cinematic part.

When they reached London, Trump apparently re-entered the regular Air Force One so that he could disembark with everyone else.

So the people aboard Air Force One could spend the entire trip believing Donald Trump was somewhere on that aircraft, only to have him magically reappear when they landed.

Now you see him.

Now you don’t.

Now you see him again.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the world’s most expensive game of presidential hide-and-seek.

And this is where I would absolutely love to be sitting inside the Fox News editorial meeting.

Because how exactly do you spin this?

I’m guessing it starts something like this:

“President Trump demonstrates once again his extraordinary commitment to national security by employing sophisticated military deception against credible threats to his life.”

Notice how the word “fled” never appears.

He didn’t flee.

He strategically relocated.

He wasn’t secretly whisked away.

He was tactically repositioned.

He didn’t abandon Air Force One.

Air Force One was merely being utilized as a presidential security decoy.

And the fact that his own staff and members of the press didn’t know he wasn’t aboard?

That’s probably going to become evidence of how incredibly brilliant the operation was.

Because apparently the best security operation is one where the people you’re supposedly protecting don’t know what’s happening.

Again, let’s be perfectly clear:

If there was a credible threat against the president, protecting him is exactly what the Secret Service and military are supposed to do.

Using deception to prevent an attacker from knowing the president’s actual location is perfectly understandable.

That’s not the scandal.

The fascinating part is the sheer theatricality of it.

Donald Trump boards Air Force One.

Donald Trump gets off Air Force One.

Donald Trump gets into another aircraft.

Air Force One continues flying as the apparent presidential aircraft.

Everybody aboard apparently believes the president is there.

Trump eventually rejoins Air Force One in London.

Then he gets off the plane with everybody else.

Nobody knows the president wasn’t there.

That’s not a presidential motorcade.

That’s a fucking magic trick.

And naturally, the Trump propaganda machine will have to make sure nobody uses words like “hiding,” “escape,” “decoy,” “fleeing,” or—God forbid—“fear.”

Because Donald Trump apparently cannot experience fear.

He can only experience strategic tactical repositioning.

He can never retreat.

He can only redeploy.

He can never hide.

He can only operate covertly.

He can never be scared.

He can only be demonstrating extraordinary courage while secretly leaving the aircraft everyone thinks he’s on.

And then, of course, Trump himself will probably declare the entire story Fake News!

He’ll tell us that the reports are lies.

He’ll tell us nobody has ever been braver.

He’ll tell us he wasn’t hiding from anybody.

He’ll probably remind us that presidents do this all the time.

And maybe that’s the final Fox News spin:

“This is what presidents do.”

Really?

Because I’m pretty sure most presidents don’t board Air Force One, secretly get off, disappear onto another aircraft, allow their own staff and press corps to unknowingly fly around on a decoy plane, and then sneak back aboard in London just in time to walk down the stairs with everybody else.

That’s not exactly the presidential equivalent of waving to the passengers as you leave the plane.

That’s The Great Donald Trump Air Force One Disappearing Act.

And somewhere inside Fox News headquarters, I can already hear the chyron:

TRUMP: BRAVELY VANISHES FROM PLANE TO PROTECT AMERICA

And beneath it, probably:

EXPERTS SAY THIS IS WHAT REAL LEADERSHIP LOOKS LIKE.

Because in the Fox News universe, apparently Donald Trump can’t simply be a president who was protected from a credible threat.

No.

He has to be the bravest human being in recorded antiquity while simultaneously being invisible to the people sitting on his own airplane.

It’s an impressive trick.

David Copperfield would be taking notes.