Dwain Northey (Gen X)

I’m having a little trouble understanding the new definition of “protecting America,” because apparently the dictionary has been rewritten in permanent Sharpie.

Donald Trump and his would-be Secretary of War—because apparently “Secretary of Defense” sounded insufficiently aggressive—seem to believe that national security means preparing for another confrontation with Iran while simultaneously pulling American forces away from exercises with one of our most important allies in South Korea.

Because nothing says strategic consistency quite like telling the world, “We need to be ready for war over here, so naturally we’re going to reduce our military cooperation over there.”

And then there is Russia.

We have intelligence indicating that Vladimir Putin’s Russia is providing weapons and military assistance to Iran. Russia, of course, is not exactly known for giving away military hardware as a gesture of international friendship. Yet somehow Putin remains someone Trump treats less like a geopolitical adversary and more like the guy he hopes will invite him over for barbecue.

So let me see if I have this straight.

Iran is supposedly an existential threat.

Russia is helping Iran.

Russia is also one of America’s principal geopolitical adversaries.

Yet somehow the guy helping the supposed enemy remains in the “trusted buddy” category.

But a woman and her three-year-old child walking across the southern border?

RED ALERT. NATIONAL EMERGENCY. CALL THE PENTAGON.

Apparently the greatest threat to the United States is not a nuclear-capable adversary, hostile governments transferring weapons, cyberattacks, foreign interference, terrorism, or an increasingly unstable international security environment.

No.

It’s María from Guatemala carrying a toddler.

Because apparently the toddler is a sleeper agent.

Maybe the kid has a tiny AK-47 hidden in the diaper bag.

We have somehow reached the point where American national security is being measured by how many frightened families we can keep from asking for asylum while simultaneously playing geopolitical chess with countries possessing missiles, drones, nuclear ambitions and actual armies.

And this is where the word “security” becomes almost comical.

Real national security is complicated. It requires intelligence, diplomacy, alliances, logistics, economic stability, military readiness and an understanding that sometimes the best way to prevent a war is to make sure everyone understands you are capable of winning one—but would really prefer not to have to prove it.

It requires maintaining alliances.

It requires knowing who your friends are.

It requires understanding who is arming your adversaries.

It requires looking at the entire chessboard rather than obsessing over one square because it happens to contain a brown-skinned family.

But apparently the new doctrine is:

Iran: WAR!

Russia: Maybe we can work something out.

South Korea: Sorry, we’re busy.

Venezuela: Sharpen the Sharpie.

Migrants: SEND EVERYONE.

And somewhere in the Pentagon, an actual military professional is presumably staring at the ceiling wondering when national-security strategy became a reality television show.

The irony is almost too perfect.

The people who constantly accuse everyone else of being weak are pursuing policies that can simultaneously alienate allies, complicate military readiness, escalate tensions with Iran, tolerate Russian assistance to Iran and obsess over immigration as though a six-year-old crossing the Rio Grande represents the opening salvo of World War III.

That’s not a coherent national-security strategy.

That’s a collection of anxieties wearing camouflage.

And perhaps that’s the most disturbing part.

Because protecting America shouldn’t mean finding something—anything—to be afraid of.

It should mean identifying the threats that actually matter, preparing for them intelligently, maintaining the alliances that multiply our strength, using diplomacy when diplomacy can prevent bloodshed, and employing military force only when the national interest genuinely requires it.

Instead, we seem to be building a security policy around the political equivalent of a toddler screaming, “Look over there!”

Iran!

Immigrants!

South Korea!

Russia!

Greenland!

Venezuela!

Pick one.

Actually, apparently we picked all of them.

Because nothing says “America First” quite like having absolutely no idea which direction we’re supposed to be looking.